To the most wonderful woman I have ever known

Success takes more than a degree

It really upsets me watching people who have college degrees work shitty jobs that have absolutely nothing to do with what they studied. It also really upsets me when some of those people claim "college is a waste" and "my degree did nothing for me."  Yes and no... Either the college you attended did nothing for you, you did nothing for you, or both. I wouldn't place full blame on the degree you received but the institution from which you studied. How many colleges teach career planning along with the subjects offered as part of the curriculum? Too many college graduates are under prepared for the real world because all they practiced in those 4 years was how to regurgitate information. You will need a lot more than memorized theories if you want to have a career. The other half of the blame goes to the student who didn't take the initiative to research, plan (or try to plan) and execute the steps needed in order to work in the field in which they desired. Also, shame on them for allowing themselves to waste their degree, money, and time spent in college.

If there is one thing I am really proud of it is how Bunker Hill Community College wants to prepare students to be successful in every aspect of their lives. That is why the new LifeMap center was developed in the first place. Same with the Learn & Earn Program where students who study Biotechnology, Business Administration, Computer Technology, Engineering and Visual Media Arts gain paid work experience at some of the largest businesses in Massachusetts. Internships play a large role in gaining real life experience, work related experience, as well as a way to narrow down your career objectives. At Bunker Hill we have a long list of departments and services that are all committed to helping students discover their career and educational objectives and give them the tools necessary to achieve their goals.

It takes research, planning, hard work, and commitment to be successful. It also takes more than just attending class and submitting homework. Potential employers look for individuals who get involved on and off campus. Of course getting involved helps you to stand apart from your competition but it also teaches you how to appropriately interact with others. You learn invaluable interpersonal skills that will allow you to be more successful in both your professional and personal life. It may seem like common sense that interpersonal skills are a must but you would be surprised how many people lack the ability to communicate effectively or are unaware of their non-verbal cues. Having worked for over two years at a 2 year institution I have interacted with a wide variety of people. It saddens me to say  that the level of disrespect, psychological projection, blame, and straight up insulting interactions I have witnessed and suffered through myself shows there is a problem. I understand in certain cases it can be the individual who might suffer from say a mental illness or as humans sometimes we can have a bad day and treat others poorly because of it. But I am getting off topic... More than history, science, and math needs to be taught in our school systems.

When making the decision to pursue an education it is so important to ask yourself the right questions.

Questions to ask yourself:

Identify your educational, career, life goals:
Do I have any hobbies? If yes, what are they? How could they be incorporated into a career?

What makes me happy? How can that be incorporated into a career?

What do I hope to achieve in one semester? (4.0 GPA, join a club, etc.) 

What do I hope to achieve by continuing my education? 

Where do I see myself in the future? Overall, what is my "big picture"? What steps can I take to get there?

Educational Plan/Course Selection:
What is my program of study?

What requirements must I fulfill in order to complete my program?

Do I meet all pre-requisites? If not- which development courses do I need to take? How will they fit into my academic timeline? Or, which introductory course do I need to take first before taking a core course?

Which courses, if any, are taught only once a year (just fall semester/just spring semester)? How does this affect my academic timeline?

Begin exploring transfer options:
What is my career objective? What major will guide me to my prospective career?

Which schools offer my major?

Once a list of schools is compiled-- what are their general education requirements? Do my courses fulfill their Gen Ed requirements? Compare course descriptions.

Do any of my core courses match the core courses offered at the schools on my list?

If I am unsure what classes/credits might transfer, contact the admissions office at prospective schools. Set up a time to meet, discuss everything via email, and/or take a campus tour--learn more about the schools. 

What does each school offer me outside of the classroom? Internships? Professional network? Connections to the industry I want to work in? State of the art facilities? Community? Sports? Clubs?

Develop Financial Plan for continued education and life after graduation:
How much does it cost to attend? 

In state or out of state tuition?

How much aid have I used so far? Grants? Subsidized Government Loans? Unsubsidized Government Loans? Mass no interest loan? Scholarships? 

How was each financial aid section distributed? 

What do I currently owe? 

What is the interest rate on my loans? In x amount of time it takes me to complete my degree-- how much will I owe + interest?

Depending on the repayment plan-- what will my monthly payments be?

How much money am I currently making? What are my expenses? Will I have enough at this wage minus expenses to afford my student loan payments? 

How much is tuition and fees for my prospective schools of transfer? 

Will government aid be enough? Or will I have to consider private loans?

There is so much planning that should occur when deciding to go to college. First it is important that you truly want to go to school and are willing to put in the time and commitment to complete your degree. It won't look good to employers if you cannot finish something you started.

If you do not know what you want to study at first that is ok. Not everyone knows what they want to do with their lives but what they do know is that they want to get an education. If you do not know what to study maybe apply for the general education program, take several different elective courses and pursue your options during your first year. Once you become a second year student you should have a better idea of the direction you would like to bring your life. If not, seek the help of an advisor, career counselor, volunteer at organizations or companies, intern, go to www.myplan.com and browse the different careers and majors... just stay active in discovering yourself and set short-term, mid-term, and long term goals.

Actually, the most important things you can do while in college is volunteer at organizations/companies, intern, join clubs on campus, and stay active within the community. Not only are you learning interpersonal skills, but being involved is how you are going to build your network. Networking is very crucial when applying to jobs. You never know how someone can and will play a certain role in your life and in helping you secure a position or by passing along information of opportunities. Ask the successful people that you know how they got to where they are. I bet most of them knew someone who assisted them in landing the position/s needed to be successful.

On that note, be nice to everyone! You never know when you might run into them again and if they might be your boss someday. What goes around certainly comes around.

And finally, it isn't just about who you know. You may know someone who could get you that job you've been eying... but will they? Are you someone with integrity and reliability? Use your time at college to build who you are and become that person no company could turn away. 

I am employed full time. Woah is me.

There is no way to express my thoughts on the matter without sounding ungrateful. I am by no means ungrateful. I am so unbelievably appreciative for the stability in my life and every opportunity that I am able to seize. Including working a full time job that consists of me spending hours on end behind a desk and computer while taking me away from the human interaction, among other things, that I once enjoyed. Welcome to the dreaded monotony of adulthood.

It is no wonder so many people get depressed by their jobs. I have only been at my new job for a week and I am having deep, meaning of life contemplations. It boggles my mind that the majority of people, at least in north American society, willfully slave away most of their time.. and for so many people, they slave away at jobs that don't make them happy, don't pay them enough to live, and don't contribute to their growth within the company or as a person. The more I think about it the more it seems like a pandemic. But I digress.

On my way to work the other day I was walking through the parking lot thinking to myself "Here I go again... time to get use to being an adult and serving my time Monday through Friday, nine to five... Time to face reality. Time to get use to this mind numbing, daily-grind-bullshit. It is my future after all."

Then it hit me. No it isn't and no I don't. No I don't have to conform to society and its standards of living. Isn't that the reason I decided to continue my education to begin with? So I don't have to work retail, food services, or be caged in an office building? So I don't have to give up who I am and what makes me happy just so I can live another day of being unhappy and not doing what I love? I decided to pursue an education so I could study what makes me happy, gain experience within that medium, network with others involved in my field of interest, and then become employed doing a non traditional job. A job that allows creativity; offers variety, such as interacting with many different people, performing various tasks, or working in different locations; an environment where close supervision is not necessary and I am free to make decisions on my own; and most importantly a job that benefits the community and enriches society.

Granted, I still have a ways to go before I reach that point. I am only working a "summer job" before I transfer to Emerson. That isn't to say that my current position isn't important. Instead of working with students directly I am now responsible for playing a role in the development of the new department created specifically for student success.  It was over a year ago that I sat in meetings with the Dean and other student leaders discussing what needs to be included in the new philosophy and department. Now, here I am fortunate enough to be employed by that department helping continue with the growth of the foundation. I am also thankful that during a time where securing a job is scarce and many people are out of work-- I have a place that is creating work for me. I am expanding upon the experience I already have and becoming a more valuable person because of it.

Someday I will do what makes me happy and get paid for it.

As humans why can't we listen to wise words better? Why do we believe we will get a different result than those who have tried before us? I suppose it is for those moments when the chance we take proves the others wrong. However, one thing has proven true thus far; some things are better left in the past.

Maybe it was my expectations that ruined it for me.... maybe I foolishly thought things could be the way they were. In this instance, I romanticized  a situation which didn't turn out at all the way I fantasized it would. Don't get me wrong, I asked and I received. Not all those who put themselves out there get what they are asking for. I got what I asked for... but it didn't live up to what I'd hope it'd be. Which makes it my fault, perhaps. My fault for building it up in my mind before I had anything to go on.

It all got me thinking about how nothing will ever be the way it use to be. I look through photos I took with friends over the years and it fills me with happy reminiscent feelings. I look at where we all are now and we have all taken such different paths. Paths that only lead us away from one another. No matter how bad you want to hold onto them you lost them a long time ago. No one is who they were in those moments captured on camera. Most chances are things will never be the same. There are, of course, the instances where timelines meet once again and things are even better the second time around! Lucky bastards.

How does one accept the fact that what they long for present day cannot happen and they must settle for memories? Of course they can make new friends and create new memories... and in time look back on that as well. How do we make it last? Who actually has real friends anymore that they see frequently or speak to often outside of school, work, or the internet? Why does life have to be so busy that it gets in the way of real human interaction and building bonds? Is there anyone out there who would choose to make the time to cherish the relationships they have?

I miss the day where companionship mattered.

Frogs

You ever relive moments from your past that went wrong, seemingly out of nowhere, and you are just left there like “what the fuck?….” And then that’s it? That is all you have left of that relationship for years to come? And anytime you are reminded of that person your brief moment of reminiscing is quickly drowned out by the memory of the last time you two ever spoke to one another?  And even though deep down inside you know it wasn’t you; you didn’t do anything wrong, you still relive your last moments and desperately seek for some sort of closure? You just want to make sense of it?  Because out of all the people who have come and gone in your life this person still stands out to you? Even when they might not even be aware of the power their words and actions had? And how even after all these years it still affects you? Then you wonder if they even think about it; or you?

 Yep, me too.

It's a strange thing how you can feel such a strong connection to certain people. When the right personalities mix it's a beautiful thing. I remember that beauty. I choose to remember you that way. If you ever come around again my door is always open. I won't judge you for the decisions made. I just want my friend back.




"The face before me flies
Laughs at me inside
Masks are made to hide the glow
Shining eyes
Distance 'tween us grows
Feeding lies

It's hard to start things over"


"What does friend mean to you?
A word so wrongfully abused
Are you like me, confused?

Why's it have to be this way, be this way, be this way, be this way, be this way, be this way"

The Strange Man in a Blue Suit

My life has been filled with unexplainable occurrences.

Recently they've been frequently appearing as strange coincidences. Leading up to what just happened. Which, I am rather confused about. I also had a friend over who witnessed it happen.

Let me back track a few weeks to explain the "strange coincidences".

Ryan and I have been watching Doctor Who since Christmas time. We will watch it a few nights a week and usually multiple episodes in one night.

I had been pondering the concept of change and how nothing lasts forever; the only constant in life is change. Or death, but death is also a change from life. So, yes, the only constant is change. A few days later and this thought was already long gone from my mind. Ryan and I sat down to watch some Doctor Who. Several minutes into the episode the camera cuts to a close up of the tenth doctor, at which point he exclaimed "change is the only constant." It immediately triggered my memory of having that exact thought only days prior. I paused the show, told Ryan, and went about the rest of my night.

A night or two later I noticed an update on Facebook from Scarefest announcing a few of their 2013 guests. One of their guests is the host of the show Destination Truth. I'm not particularly a fan of this show but I respect that this person was able to make a career where he travels, investigates paranormal or mythological claims, and is a well known TV show host.  Something I would also like to do. Ryan had never seen the show so I offered to show him an episode. I opened Netflix on our PS3 and started browsing through the different seasons and episodes. I stopped at the episode on Pompeii and decided that soundsed like a cool one to watch. The next night Ryan and I decided to resume where we left off in Doctor Who. I opened it up in Netflix and before hitting the X button to play the episode I happened to glance at the title... The Fires of Pompeii... that marked the second coincidence in a row with this TV show. I pointed it out to Ryan.

A day or so later Ryan and I are laying on the couch taking a nap. I had a weird dream about bees. I was drowning them in some flavored liquid so they would also marinate. I wanted to add them into the ground beef I was browning. I remember being conflicted in my dream about eating the bees. I didn't want to but I also remembered a time where I did and liked it. I then awoke and told Ryan of my weird dream. I can't remember if it was later that day or the next day, but either way, Ryan and I went to watch Doctor Who. To my surprise the bad guy in this episode was a huge BEE! Not only that but the bee's father had drowned and died and at the end of that episode that bee drowned and died. That was now THREE times in a row where what I thought, dreamed, or did in real life showed up in Doctor Who. I actually felt weirded out at that point.

A few nights later and I have this absolutely wonderful dream about the Doctor flying me, Mrs. Cook, and another friend away by using the moon's light. The dream itself could be a separate blog entry. I woke up with such a happy feeling. The time period it was set in, the wardrobe, the carelessness, the absence of bad, just genuine, happy, innocent living (and dancing). It was beautiful. But, back to the point. The Doctor harnessed the energy to fly us across the sky by harnessing the energy from the light of the moon. Yes, in real life, I am aware that the moon only reflects the light of the sun and isn't an actual light source. Moving on... So another day or so goes by after I had that dream. Ryan and I once more sat down to watch Doctor Who. The episode was Silence in the Library. In this episode there is a character, Dr. Moon. I didn't think much of it until the scene where the Doctor is in the library and points his sonic screwdriver up at the moon and started to realize its purpose. The moon was an artificial moon that maintained the computer systems on the planet it orbited through wireless connection. This moon was built by Felman Lux to protect CAL, his youngest daughter who became the Library's computer. It was interesting to me that after having a dream specifically about the moon, that in the next episode I watched, the moon played a significant role.

I was able to finish season four without anymore of these coincidences. Not that I minded having them.

That leads me to today. My friend Matthew came over so we could journal all our ideas for a possible sitcom we want to write, film, and act in together. He had his acting debut in my parody Jurassic Sock. I was explaining to him why I chose certain clips to edit and why I left others out. I told him I still had the original exported video of each scene in chronological order. I wanted to play that for him to show him why it wouldn't work if presented in that way. Keep in mind I had exported this video as an mpeg several days ago. I watched it several times after exporting it and also had Ryan watch it. Nothing but my footage existed.

So, I opened the video and it started playing...except this time for a split second before my footage started there was a clip of a man in a blue suit, smiling, with his right hand in the air waving. You could see him from a little below his shoulders and up. It was almost cartoon caricature-like in the way that his head was made a lot larger than his body. I immediately paused the video, turned to Matt and asked "you saw that right?"  He did! He said he caught it at the corner of his eye so he wasn't able to make out specifics, but he saw it happen. I brought the video back to 00:00... Only my footage was showing. I started the video over multiple times and I also closed the whole program and re-opened it with the same video. Nothing but my normal footage played.

I don't really understand why the past few weeks have been filled with strange coincidences and now unexplainable things just occurring without coinciding with something else. But, it is exciting and I am interested in seeing what else may or may not happen.

Tickle those ivories!

I put on some classical music and suddenly I'm in the mood...

 ...to blog.

 Yesterday was the last day of filming for Plastic, a short film written, produced, directed, and starring my friend John. I had a pretty significant role, I suppose. My character expressed the most emotion. Which was a really cool experience for me. I haven't acted in quite some time and since my initial awakening back in July I have been taking steps towards being an actress once again.

You can view my post about rediscovering my love for acting here: The Flame Flickers No More

I have been working on my anxiety when in front of new people or a crowd. So far I am pleased with the results. I do not over analyze nearly half as much as I use to. I am much more confident in who I am and my abilities. I am not a professional by any means, but I now have the courage to put myself out there in order to gain experience, learn, and grow. This role in Plastic gave me the opportunity to push through my insecurities and emote. I'd say it wasn't half bad considering. 

Being a part of Plastic not only gave me the opportunity to act and assist in directing, but it also gave me the opportunity to network with a group of people who are just as passionate and enthusiastic about film and production as I am. I can tell we are all going to continue to collaborate on each others projects in the future. Which makes me extremely happy. Finally, I am finding those who take the arts seriously. I look forward to what is to come.

On another note, I am submitting my Common Application materials to Emerson tomorrow. I have a folder filled with all the required materials I cannot submit online. Then, before January 22nd, my essays will have been proof read and revised, making my application ready to submit! AHHH!

Well, I am off to watch Doctor Who and cuddle with the boyfriend. <3 

Good night.

Travel Blog Anyone?

I was thinking of how I wanted to make a brief outline from past to present using photos... Then I remembered I started a travel blog awhile back.

It still isn't up to date, but maybe I will revamp it and complete it soon?

Ooor, maybe I will make an entry on blogger with photos dedicated to important events in my life on a timeline?

Until then, here is the link to my travel tumblr blog: http://whereinthe-world.tumblr.com/

What are your thoughts?