I stand corrected...

Maybe my initial reaction was a bit harsh. I contribute my growing pains to the fact that since 2006, with the exception of my holiday temp job at The Gap, I have been lucky in terms of work...and spoiled. As a Stagehand and Orientation Mentor I was able to make my own schedule with varying hours from week to week. I enjoyed collaboration as my coworkers and I teamed together to put on a show. I had the opportunity of working with new people every shift as well as work with those I have built strong relationships with. I was always active, lively, and physically involved with my work as it kept me on my feet. I didn't have to worry about a dress code or having to look sharp every single day. I had both freedom and responsibilities. My work was unconventional by North American standards (yanno, the whole "nine-to-five" as they say) but if it wasn't for that type of environment I don't think I could have held a job.

Though I still can't wrap my head around the concept of working most of my time away while life passes me by... at least that is how I see it. We spend so much time labouring and so little time enjoying the fruits of our labour. And though I still do not wish this to be my future or how I spend the rest of my life... I am enjoying going to work every day!

I have happily arisen from bed each morning to get ready for the day ahead of me. I show up with a smile and leave with a smile. I enjoy the company of who I work with and I am enjoying the variety of projects that I have taken on from day to day. I have also started helping students again which of course fulfills a certain part of me.

I "suffered" briefly through the transition from my ideal work environment to a less favourable one. However, it really isn't that bad. The more I reflect the more I realize the similarities my current work environment shares with my previous. I work with a wonderfully diverse staff and student body. I absolutely cherish my interactions with them as it enriches my perception of the world. The projects I am involved in actually hold importance and allow me to be a part of something bigger. I may be a bit restricted when it comes to the hours I choose to work but I do still get to choose my hours. Although I may not be as physically active as I would like I am not tied to desk all day either.

Overall I am satisfied with my job and because of this it becomes easier to be there every day 7 hours a day.





I still don't want a desk job as a career. :)

As humans why can't we listen to wise words better? Why do we believe we will get a different result than those who have tried before us? I suppose it is for those moments when the chance we take proves the others wrong. However, one thing has proven true thus far; some things are better left in the past.

Maybe it was my expectations that ruined it for me.... maybe I foolishly thought things could be the way they were. In this instance, I romanticized  a situation which didn't turn out at all the way I fantasized it would. Don't get me wrong, I asked and I received. Not all those who put themselves out there get what they are asking for. I got what I asked for... but it didn't live up to what I'd hope it'd be. Which makes it my fault, perhaps. My fault for building it up in my mind before I had anything to go on.

It all got me thinking about how nothing will ever be the way it use to be. I look through photos I took with friends over the years and it fills me with happy reminiscent feelings. I look at where we all are now and we have all taken such different paths. Paths that only lead us away from one another. No matter how bad you want to hold onto them you lost them a long time ago. No one is who they were in those moments captured on camera. Most chances are things will never be the same. There are, of course, the instances where timelines meet once again and things are even better the second time around! Lucky bastards.

How does one accept the fact that what they long for present day cannot happen and they must settle for memories? Of course they can make new friends and create new memories... and in time look back on that as well. How do we make it last? Who actually has real friends anymore that they see frequently or speak to often outside of school, work, or the internet? Why does life have to be so busy that it gets in the way of real human interaction and building bonds? Is there anyone out there who would choose to make the time to cherish the relationships they have?

I miss the day where companionship mattered.

In 2007...

It's so crazy to me thinking about how little I use to know. I am looking through pictures circa 2007 and all I can do is shake my head at my past self. Granted, I need to cut my past self some slack given the circumstances of which I grew up.

It still makes embarrassed though...

In 2007...

• I had no sense of femininity
• I had nothing of substance to contribute to a conversation 
• I was socially awkward and super insecure
• I hadn't done enough living to fully develop likes and dislikes
• I was naive
• I was lost
• I was scared of disapproval and rejection
• I was scared of intimacy
• I had no voice 
• I had no clue how to use my passion as a means of productivity toward a realistic career
• I had no specific direction
• I let my anxiety take control of the wheel more times than I would hold the wheel and drive
• I didn't know there was such thing as public transportation
• I had yet to discover the beauty of culture
• I had yet to gain knowledge on subjects such as psychology, cultural anthropology, philosophy, literature, ethics, and religion
• I also knew very little about punctuation and proper grammar
• My past very much still haunted me affecting me in ways I wouldn't realize for another three years
• I looked for attention in all the wrong places

In 2013...

• I'm fuckin' fabulous