As humans why can't we listen to wise words better? Why do we believe we will get a different result than those who have tried before us? I suppose it is for those moments when the chance we take proves the others wrong. However, one thing has proven true thus far; some things are better left in the past.

Maybe it was my expectations that ruined it for me.... maybe I foolishly thought things could be the way they were. In this instance, I romanticized  a situation which didn't turn out at all the way I fantasized it would. Don't get me wrong, I asked and I received. Not all those who put themselves out there get what they are asking for. I got what I asked for... but it didn't live up to what I'd hope it'd be. Which makes it my fault, perhaps. My fault for building it up in my mind before I had anything to go on.

It all got me thinking about how nothing will ever be the way it use to be. I look through photos I took with friends over the years and it fills me with happy reminiscent feelings. I look at where we all are now and we have all taken such different paths. Paths that only lead us away from one another. No matter how bad you want to hold onto them you lost them a long time ago. No one is who they were in those moments captured on camera. Most chances are things will never be the same. There are, of course, the instances where timelines meet once again and things are even better the second time around! Lucky bastards.

How does one accept the fact that what they long for present day cannot happen and they must settle for memories? Of course they can make new friends and create new memories... and in time look back on that as well. How do we make it last? Who actually has real friends anymore that they see frequently or speak to often outside of school, work, or the internet? Why does life have to be so busy that it gets in the way of real human interaction and building bonds? Is there anyone out there who would choose to make the time to cherish the relationships they have?

I miss the day where companionship mattered.

In 2007...

It's so crazy to me thinking about how little I use to know. I am looking through pictures circa 2007 and all I can do is shake my head at my past self. Granted, I need to cut my past self some slack given the circumstances of which I grew up.

It still makes embarrassed though...

In 2007...

• I had no sense of femininity
• I had nothing of substance to contribute to a conversation 
• I was socially awkward and super insecure
• I hadn't done enough living to fully develop likes and dislikes
• I was naive
• I was lost
• I was scared of disapproval and rejection
• I was scared of intimacy
• I had no voice 
• I had no clue how to use my passion as a means of productivity toward a realistic career
• I had no specific direction
• I let my anxiety take control of the wheel more times than I would hold the wheel and drive
• I didn't know there was such thing as public transportation
• I had yet to discover the beauty of culture
• I had yet to gain knowledge on subjects such as psychology, cultural anthropology, philosophy, literature, ethics, and religion
• I also knew very little about punctuation and proper grammar
• My past very much still haunted me affecting me in ways I wouldn't realize for another three years
• I looked for attention in all the wrong places

In 2013...

• I'm fuckin' fabulous