So that's why!

I think I have uncovered one of the main reasons I have been holding onto memories as much as I have been recently. Not only is it winter, so I have the seasonal depression kicking in... but because I have zero things going on. Zero exciting things, anyway. Yes, I graduate in June, I go to Costa Rica in May, and have several other little adventures planned. But, all of that feels so far away. I feel as though I am moving at a snails pace to get to them too.

I have a really laid back last semester. I am on campus only 3 days a week now. I spend my free time being creative which also makes it harder for me to get into my coursework. Being at home alone so much also leaves me plenty of time to be in my head. This can be a good and bad thing. Unfortunately, in the last few days, due to the winter, AND that special visit women get once a month, it hasn't been as good.

For someone who loves to wander and is never in one place for too long, I have been in one place too long. I need more travel. *sigh*  I'm getting there.

Frogs

You ever relive moments from your past that went wrong, seemingly out of nowhere, and you are just left there like “what the fuck?….” And then that’s it? That is all you have left of that relationship for years to come? And anytime you are reminded of that person your brief moment of reminiscing is quickly drowned out by the memory of the last time you two ever spoke to one another?  And even though deep down inside you know it wasn’t you; you didn’t do anything wrong, you still relive your last moments and desperately seek for some sort of closure? You just want to make sense of it?  Because out of all the people who have come and gone in your life this person still stands out to you? Even when they might not even be aware of the power their words and actions had? And how even after all these years it still affects you? Then you wonder if they even think about it; or you?

 Yep, me too.

It's a strange thing how you can feel such a strong connection to certain people. When the right personalities mix it's a beautiful thing. I remember that beauty. I choose to remember you that way. If you ever come around again my door is always open. I won't judge you for the decisions made. I just want my friend back.




"The face before me flies
Laughs at me inside
Masks are made to hide the glow
Shining eyes
Distance 'tween us grows
Feeding lies

It's hard to start things over"


"What does friend mean to you?
A word so wrongfully abused
Are you like me, confused?

Why's it have to be this way, be this way, be this way, be this way, be this way, be this way"