My least favourite pet...

I hate when I share a story with someone about a special moment or accomplishment and am met with unsolicited advice. Not only does that take away from the point of me sharing my happy news with you but it is an insult to my intelligence.

I am sure they mean well when trying to "guide me" but it feels more like I am being patronized. Like it isn't possible for me to comprehend what I should do next. The advice they give me is such common sense that I become easily irritated. It makes me want to respond with sarcastic and snarky remarks.

Me: "Look at this cool milestone I just reached!"
Person: "That's nice, but (insert unsolicited advice here)"
Me: "Oh, thank the heavens for your infinite knowledge! A lay person, like I, would have never been able to reach such a verdict on my own. I will be forever guided by your wisdom. Praise (insert name here)!"

It also makes me want to scream "NO SHIT!" 

I wasn't born yesterday. Not only that, but I have been on my own for a very long time now...without parents or family.  I have lost it all, overcome homelessness, and started my life over from scratch. I have learned many life lessons and have done quite an excellent job at getting to where I am today. All of which I have done without genius advice from others.

When I do feel like I could use some perspective I seek out those I respect, present my situation, and ask them for their input. After collecting multiple views on the matter I then take time to process it all and make the best decision for myself. I have learned how to be successful through the relationships I have built with those who are already successful, the relationships I have built with those I have seen go from "nowhere" to somewhere, and through taking every opportunity that comes my way. I have faced some of my greatest fears and challenges to become the person I am today. Those who know of my accomplishments and character never feel the need to change the focus of my achievements to what they think I should be doing. They celebrate with me and know I am more than capable of taking care of my business.

I know a part of this advice is given with good intentions. I have to appreciate that. I can't expect those people to know what is going on in my life in order for them to make a more informed remark about my situation. Only a handful of people know the entirety of what I am involved in and the path I am on. If everyone else knew, perhaps it would prevent verbal diarrhea.

And as you can probably tell if you have read this far, unsolicited advice, even when it comes from a good place, drives me up the freaking wall. Suffice it to say, this is a major pet peeve.

Post-Graduation

As I enter my senior year at Emerson College, friends and family alike have been asking me the age old question, "What are you going to do?" This is always followed by, "Where do you want to go?" "Will you stay in Boston?" "Have you considered moving to LA or NYC?"

My answer is always simple-- "I am going to go wherever life takes me."  That isn't to say I haven't played a huge role in my own success thus far, because I have. I have hustled my arse off to be where I am today. I will continue to hustle. A lot can happen in one year. How am I to know where I will end up? Who I might meet? Or the opportunities that will come my way?

When I transferred to Emerson last year I had no idea the opportunities that await me. I was new all over again. I had zero connections there. I was like Bambi as he took his first steps. Fast forward to a year later and I have spent my summer doing TV production work for the Red Sox, am helping to produce several films for award winning filmmakers, was sought out for my first paid video production gig, and just received an email from an amazing documentary production company wanting to set up a phone interview with me as I hope to intern for them this fall.

I will reiterate, in one year, who knows who I will meet, work with, or where I will end up? The only plan I can have is to continue hustling. A few months prior to graduation I will begin job hunting...if I don't already have a prospective job lined up by then. For the right career opportunity, I am willing to relocate. I am also available to travel for my work. Whatever is waiting for me I will find it. But, until the time has come for this all I can tell you now is, I will be ok.

I stand corrected...

Maybe my initial reaction was a bit harsh. I contribute my growing pains to the fact that since 2006, with the exception of my holiday temp job at The Gap, I have been lucky in terms of work...and spoiled. As a Stagehand and Orientation Mentor I was able to make my own schedule with varying hours from week to week. I enjoyed collaboration as my coworkers and I teamed together to put on a show. I had the opportunity of working with new people every shift as well as work with those I have built strong relationships with. I was always active, lively, and physically involved with my work as it kept me on my feet. I didn't have to worry about a dress code or having to look sharp every single day. I had both freedom and responsibilities. My work was unconventional by North American standards (yanno, the whole "nine-to-five" as they say) but if it wasn't for that type of environment I don't think I could have held a job.

Though I still can't wrap my head around the concept of working most of my time away while life passes me by... at least that is how I see it. We spend so much time labouring and so little time enjoying the fruits of our labour. And though I still do not wish this to be my future or how I spend the rest of my life... I am enjoying going to work every day!

I have happily arisen from bed each morning to get ready for the day ahead of me. I show up with a smile and leave with a smile. I enjoy the company of who I work with and I am enjoying the variety of projects that I have taken on from day to day. I have also started helping students again which of course fulfills a certain part of me.

I "suffered" briefly through the transition from my ideal work environment to a less favourable one. However, it really isn't that bad. The more I reflect the more I realize the similarities my current work environment shares with my previous. I work with a wonderfully diverse staff and student body. I absolutely cherish my interactions with them as it enriches my perception of the world. The projects I am involved in actually hold importance and allow me to be a part of something bigger. I may be a bit restricted when it comes to the hours I choose to work but I do still get to choose my hours. Although I may not be as physically active as I would like I am not tied to desk all day either.

Overall I am satisfied with my job and because of this it becomes easier to be there every day 7 hours a day.





I still don't want a desk job as a career. :)

Stuck In the Middle With You

I am feeling "stuck in the middle."

I am nearing the end of my long journey to Emerson which has taken three years of hard work, little to no sleep, and a lot of self-motivation. After working so hard for so long I have a rather laid back last semester. I am taking one class which only meets once a week. This has opened up more hours for me to work and much more time to myself. I even started to write a script!  I haven't written a proper script since eighth grade. Even though that is how I wanted to spend my last semester before starting up the hard work again I keep finding myself eager to get to the point where I can actually start making money working in TV.

I have built a great academic resume and have years of experience working with a large diverse population of people along with a ton of other useful skills... but none of which could get me in the door to TV Production yet. As far as I know, anyway. When I browse through friends Facebook pages, a lot of whom have finished their undergraduate degrees, they are either working in their field or in grad school while also working in their field. I get so envious of this! I know my time is coming but I am just so eager to be there.

It just seems like all these people get to just live there lives doing all these exciting things while I am stuck here, not doing anything special per say, as I go through my transition. I know I will do exciting things in my future but it's the waiting part that feels like it lasts forever. I only submitted my application to Emerson 10 days ago and it already feels like an eternity. I keep going in circles of checking the Emerson Portal (even though I know nothing has changed), going to the BBC work experience page and day dreaming about possible future internships, researching Emerson acceptance rates, reading and re-reading the different Transfer Student info pages at Emerson.edu, drafting my prospective Emerson class schedule if accepted, researching the clubs and organizations I want to join while a student at Emerson, and so many other internet searches on the things I want to get involved in.

I can't stop anxiously waiting for May. May 15th is Emerson's decision notification day... My future depends on that decision. I can't help but be consumed by thoughts, concerns, and anxiety. That, and I seriously cannot wait to go to Costa Rica. Which, just so happens to start on May 18th. May is going to be a big month for me. Unless, of course, Emerson informs me of a decision before May. In which case, I suppose May will still be huge because I'M GOING TO COSTA RICA!!

I just can't wait to be living my dream. I can't wait til I am traveling, making TV magic happen, and making enough money to finally fully support myself, my needs and wants, and Ryan. I can't wait to be meeting big names and making a big name for myself. I can't wait to experience more of life and continue to grow as a person. I can't wait to give back to my community and help good causes. I just can't wait to have a life beyond college.

My Journey to Emerson at a 3 Year Glance

Just about three years ago (it will be exactly three years in March), I set out on my journey to Emerson College. Having only a GED in hand I had to face the reality that I wasn't exactly Emerson material... yet. I knew I had the passion and drive that Emerson looks for, but I didn't have the credentials, experience, and resume to show as proof to the kind of person I am. This meant I had to attend community college in order to have all the necessary requirements fulfilled before applying and giving myself a chance at being accepted.  I wasn't exactly thrilled about this but it was what I had to do.

Bunker Hill Community College for some reason had always stood out to me. If I had to be stuck going to community college in the first place, I might as well go to Bunker Hill. To my surprise, going to Bunker Hill has changed my life. But this entry isn't about my experience at Bunker Hill.

On February 8th, 2013 I submitted my Common Application and Emerson Supplements. All other required documents I had delivered in January. A few days later I received my email from Emerson admission giving me my Emerson ID so I could sign into the Application Portal and check the status of my application, as well as view the list of required documents and the dates they received them. I was so excited that I even took a screen shot of that page. I can't believe my journey to get to Emerson has finally reached its ending. Now I await their decision.

That's when I started over analyzing, as I do... What if I get accepted to Emerson but I'm not actually cut out for what I love to do? Not only that, but to truly gain experience and take advantage of what Emerson has to offer, I must get involved in the college's organizations. How will I be able to balance a full time course-load, one which I am sure is more demanding of me than that of Bunker Hill, and join clubs, make art, work, and pass... all at the same time? Will I find what I am really good at? Will I find my niche?

I have also taken a much different route than a lot of the people I know who are interested in film, TV, acting, production, etc. So many of them are always working on some sort of project. They have a portfolio, even if it is amateur, they are always creating. I, on the other hand, put creating on hold to focus on my academic and leadership skills. I put all of me into building the kind of student that shouldn't have a hard time being accepted by four year universities, particularly Emerson. Once upon a time all I did was create, perform, and film. Then real life happened and it became harder to do. When the time came to go to Bunker Hill, it was now or never. I had to get my act together. Which meant focusing my time and abilities on other responsibilities. I worried that because I haven't been so "film focused" that this might mean I am not cut out for the environment at Emerson.

When I mentioned some of my concerns to Ryan he did a good job at comforting me and reminding me that when I go to Emerson, it is going to be a whole new experience. The kind of stress I may have is going to be so different from the stress I have now. I will be busy and stressed, but it will be much more rewarding because I will be working on the things I love. I won't be stressed over the amount of reading and writing I have to do for some Gen Ed class that I have to take. I will be stressing over things I actually enjoy. Also, it doesn't matter if I took a different path and have created less in the past few years. That doesn't predict my chances at success or failure. I could have a more successful career over some of those who payed more attention to creating and less to professionalism, and time management when they were students.

This all got me thinking about my preconceived notions about attending a community college. I didn't think I could learn or gain anything new that I hadn't already learned from my struggles in the real world. I couldn't have been more wrong. My life has changed in so many wonderful ways since becoming a student at Bunker Hill. I was awoken to my talents, potential, and purpose. Getting involved in things I never imagined for myself has shown me that my voice is valued, important, and has power. Opportunities have presented themselves to me that I never conceived possible for a community college. If I can be surprised by the opportunities and growth that Bunker Hill has to offer, just imagine what could be waiting for me at Emerson. I am naive to what Emerson has to offer. I mean really offer. I know they have connections within the industry,  professors who are professionals in their professions outside of the school, state of the art facilities, successful alumni, wonderful organizations, and the perfect environment for students to cultivate their skills. But until I am a student at Emerson and living the experiences, I won't fully understand exactly what that school will do for me.

Until then, I have videos to watch and students' stories to listen to and feel inspired by. I can only dream of what is to come for me.

Passion Links Emerson Students: A video showcasing the opportunities available to unsuspecting students. :)

Alumni Speak about their success because of Emerson.

More student testimonies about their involvement at Emerson.

A video about the doors that Emerson has opened to a student's success.

Costa Rica Bound

After a night of doubt, the results are in... I'M GOING TO COSTA RICA!!

Last summer I started to research the Costa Rica study abroad program offered through my school. The more I learned about it the more I had to go on this trip! I spent the next several months writing and perfecting my essay and application requirements. I also spent months preparing myself for the interview. During random parts of my day, every day, up until the interview, I would ask myself questions I thought would be asked during the interview. I even started running several days a week to start preparing myself physically if I were to be chosen.

The night before the interview I stayed up late writing out bullet points and answers to memorize. I had to make sure that in the case of blanking out because of anxiety, that I wouldn't! I sat and rehearsed my answers for hours. I put every piece of myself into this. I haven't wanted something so bad since Tom Hiddleston.

Ok, ok... I haven't wanted something this bad since Emerson College.

After my interview I felt good about everything. I felt confident about the quality of my interview and I knew I had a very strong essay. Though I wasn't being over confident, I still knew I gave it my all.

I was told come January 11th decisions for study abroad would be made. The anticipation was gruesome.

January 10th rolled around and suddenly several friends of mine received phone calls informing them of their acceptance into the study abroad program. I kept waiting for my phone to ring too... it never did. Once 5:00 pm rolled around, the time at which the International Center closes, I started to lose hope. I would get texts and read posts on Facebook about everyone's acceptance.

Even though I knew I gave a good interview, I started to think maybe my luck wasn't changing after all. I am use to a life where a lot is taken and not much good is given. A life where I am given more hurdles than breaks. I am so use to putting myself out there and receiving nothing in return... In fact, more would be taken from me.

I started to question my possibility of getting into the program. I gave it my best and what if my best wasn't enough? What if I am not meant to have nice things? What if I will never be chosen for anything I set out to be a part of?

I know that might seem like a lot of emotions for "just a study abroad trip"... but this trip represents so much for me. Since attending Bunker Hill I am actually making REAL progress in my life. Being chosen to go to Costa Rica would show that my hard work really does pay off. It would show that maybe I really am good enough to accomplish what I set out to do. It would also give me the opportunity to experience something life changing. Studying in Costa Rica has become a dream of mine; just like interning at the BBC has been a dream of mine.

With that said, I was bummed out the whole night of the 10th. My boyfriend kept trying to be optimistic but I'd rather be hurt that night and pleasantly surprised the next day than get my hopes up just to be let down. The whole night I had dream after dream about going to the International Center and asking about my acceptance. Every dream ended with me being chosen. When I would wake up, I would feel all sad again because it was all just a dream.

I knew that I had to put myself out of my misery by calling them. I needed to get an answer, whether it was a "yes" or a "no", I just needed to know. That way I could deal with it and move on. The office opens at 9:00 am but I didn't want to be that eager and call right away... So I waited for 9:40. haha

My heart raced as I called the office.

Office: "Hello"
Me: "Hi, I am calling about the study abroad decisions."
Office: "Ok, hold one moment please."

Heather: "Hello, this is Heather speaking..."
Me: "Hello Heather, my name is Sarah LaFlamme. I am calling about the study abroad decisions."
Heather: "Have you received a phone call yet?"
Me: "No, I was told today was the day to find out so I wanted to call."
Heather: "Ok, let me access the files. Please give me a moment."
Me: "Ok."

Heather: "So, you're going to Costa Rica?"
Me: "I hope so. That is what I applied for."
Heather: "You have been awarded the scholarship to study in Costa Rica."
Me: "Oh my gosh, really?! Thank you so much!"
Heather: "You actually did really well!" (talking about the point system/my grade)
Me: "I am so happy to hear that. Thank you!"

I was then told that I will be receiving a call in the near future with more information, as well as receive an acceptance package in the mail.

I am so happy and excited. I am also very proud of the hard work I put into this opportunity.

Maybe my luck is starting to change?

A folder to my future

So, I have this folder. It contains all the extra documentation needed to apply to Emerson College. I am awaiting one last letter of recommendation before handing it in to the transfer counselor at Emerson. Once I hand in this information the only thing left for me to finish is the revisions of my essays--then away goes my common application.

I can't help but open this folder at least once a day. It seems unreal that I am finally applying to my dream school. It feels like yesterday that I applied to Bunker Hill and had a whole degree in front of me before making it to Emerson. Now, here I am.

I have one semester left at Bunker Hill. I know it is going to be a good one. I am currently registered for two courses (in order to qualify for financial aid you must be registered for at least 6 credits) Intro to Mass Media and Level 2 German. January 11th I'll find out if I am selected to go on the Costa Rica study abroad, and if so that will be a third class added to my schedule. And another goal I put my all into to achieve. Fingers crossed.

The end is in sight. And with every ending comes a new beginning. I have put all of myself into this and I am so excited for what is to come. I know in life things don't always go according to plan and no matter what my future holds I will make the best of it. I always do.

I've been having some down days recently

Published on October 31st 2012
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The stress of how much I am balancing at school must be getting to me. The past two nights I have sat here nearly in tears even though I have no reason to be sad.

It's weird how you can make so much progress in your life and yet feel as though you've made none. Not to mention all the racing thoughts about the future... What if I land a career in TV but it isn't at all what I dreamed it'd be? What if everything I have worked so hard for doesn't turn out how I imagined? Such is life, right?

Will I always romanticize things in my head to the point of never really feeling satisfied? If I get what I want, will it live up to my expectations? Am I only setting myself up to be let down?

Will I be trapped within one medium or will I prepare myself enough to branch out into many aspects of performance, expression, and entertainment?

...and now I feel ridiculous because there are people out there worrying about where they will sleep tonight, how they'll eat, and how they will keep warm.

I'm out.

I can feel my future in the air

Published on April 9th 2012
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I am seven courses away from graduating with my associates degree at Bunker Hill Community College. This both excites and terrifies me at the same time.

I am a year away from Emerson. And once I become an Emerson student I will be two years away from graduating with my BA and starting work in my career field. That thought scares the shit out of me.

When you are younger all the things you want to do with your life are but mere dreams. You fantasize about the future, what you want to accomplish and who you will become.  I am on the verge of no longer dreaming.

Now, I am not saying my exact dreams are coming true or that I will ever really stop dreaming. Nor am I specifically referring to my fantasies. What I am referring to is the fact that my future doesn't seem so far away anymore.  I am close to starting my career and by George that makes me feel so old...and dare I say "grown up"?

I also worry that my expectations won't be met. What if Emerson doesn't do for me what I always thought it would? What if my hard work isn't enough and I am never met with opportunities? What if everything I have dreamed my life would be, isn't at all how it ends up?

I guess those are the things you have to deal with as you get older. I may not know what is in store for my future, but I can promise to never stop working toward making my dreams come true.  Let's just hope I am not met with disappointment.

I know life doesn't always go according to plan, but I hope that whatever it is I am meant to do, it will bring me happiness.

Hello, my name is Sarah...

 

...and I am a Ghost Adventures addict.

I am seriously obsessed with Ghost Adventures and it has very little to do with the ghost hunting.  Okay, I do love the ghost hunting but I am obsessed for an entirely different reason.  I can’t help but feel their excitement and passion with each episode. I feel that I am usually a good judge in character and I believe that these three men are genuine in what they do.  The way they get excited and pumped when something super natural happens seems real to me.  I can feel it through the T.V. I thoroughly enjoy watching these lads living a dream. It gives me hope.

Zak, Nick, and Aaron were all me at one point.  I am not certain if they all went to film school or not, but I do know Zak did.  But they all came from different parts of the U.S. They all lived normal lives with normal jobs.  When Zak experienced his first encounter with the paranormal it drove him to seek answers.  His passion lead him on a journey that would eventually land him a television show on the Travel Channel.  This inspires me greatly.

I think about how their several second clip of an apparition got them on the news.  Then that lead to other stations wanting to interview them, which lead to news paper articles, people contacting them for investigations, and eventually they caught the eye of someone from the Travel Channel.  I don’t know the full story of how it all happened but it moves me.

I also love the style of editing that is done for their show.  I am not sure who does the post production now that they are on T.V. but it follows the set up used back when it was 4Reel productions. I especially love that they show their evidence in “real time” as the audience follows them through the dark.  Not to mention how perfect their three personalities blend to make a concoction of awesome. haha. Everything about the show is grand.  The production (pre - post), the crew, the narration.
 I am also guilty of following them on FB and Twitter because I get to share in their success and see the kind of life I want to make for myself.

Zak, Nick, and Aaron you have proven more than the existence of ghosts.  You have shown me and many others that you can make dreams come true.  With passion and perseverance anything is possible.

 

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Where do I go from here?

Published May 29th 2011
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My boyfriend and I watched seasons 1-4 of Ghost Adventures on netflix.  We did this in a weeks span.  I decided to start following Zak Bagans, Nick Groff, and Aaron Goodwin on both facebook and twitter.  I also watched interviews with them on youtube.  All of this has really got me thinking about my future.  How can I do what I really love? How can I make the kind of money where my boyfriend and I can travel the world and have more time to spend together and with family?
The guys of Ghost Adventures have it made.  Three great friends getting paid to travel and do something they love.  Not only are they being paid to do something they love and to travel, but they have been able to start side projects that are successfull because of the names they have made for themselves.  And on their time off from shooting they get to experience whatever they want because they can afford to.  I want this. I have always wanted this.

How can I achieve this? What path should I take to be heading in that direction?
I want to be involved with entertainment. I want to get paid to travel and afford to have Ryan join me in my travels. I want to make a name for myself and have a fan base I can connect with. I want to afford to take time off and spend time with family and close friends and travel the world.I want to make a difference.  I want to create compelling art that will make people think and feel.

As I get older I start losing hope that I will ever reach my dreams.  When I was younger I felt as though anything was possible.  Now, I just don't know.  Are people born "special" and meant to become something while others spend the rest of their lives trying to become something? Is it not meant to be for me?

What did Zak, Nick, and Aaron do to achieve this? Can anybody achieve this if they work hard enough? Work smart enough?  What is it they have done differently? What makes success? How can I make my dreams come true?

Make Yourself

Published on May 17, 2010.

I have gone with nothing for too long and I don’t want to continue to do so. When I moved to CA I packed my car with the most important possessions I had. The only possessions I had. When I found out I couldn’t move back to LA and I had no choice but to let someone take my car to donate it and ship me what belongings were left, I was severely devastated and lost.

I may not love Massachusetts, but Massachusetts is where I am. I am going to use this opportunity to finally get myself together… the right way. I can’t wait to finally start school! I am even excited about the Gen Ed stuff. But, honestly, I cannot wait to be in an environment where I can not only have equipment to use and learn from, but to network with people just as passionate about the arts as I am. Not to mention how connected to the entertainment industry Emerson is, period.

Living in Mass may not be exactly what I want, but what matters is getting to a point where I don’t have to always be in a position I don’t want to be in, but need to get out of.

I had a fear about going to school. It made me so nervous that I was going to devote that much of my time/life to something. It would mean once I made the decision to go and apply to college, I am in it for the long run. There would be no turning back.  Then, when I thought about the age I would be graduating (depending on a few things the ages are 27, 28, 29)… I WILL BE FRICKEN 30 WHEN I GRADUATE! That also discouraged me from wanting to go to college.

I felt that by 30 I should already have a career-not starting one!! But then I also thought about where I am now. Nowhere.

Do I really think without learning a trade that I could ever really be happy with where I end up in my future? I don’t want to be in retail or fast food my whole life. Making minimum wage or close to it, struggling from paycheck to paycheck. I also wouldn’t want to be a stagehand again.

I was a stagehand for 3 years and my word it was so much fun!! I met so many great people who I am still friends with today. I got to experience a life style most don’t get the chance to. And it was a job I actually enjoyed. Until I realized I am as far as I will ever go with that job. I knew if I stayed at that company, or any other production company, I would always be just a stagehand. With that thought in mind I moved to LA to find more.

I did find more, but I also accidentally found my way back east too. Either way, I put down the clock and took out the compass. I cannot focus on the time or my age, I need to focus on the direction I want to be heading. It all starts with you.  It may never be a quick and easy path. Heck, it may not even be something you are enthusiastic about doing at first. Just remember, every step taken is another step closer to where you want to be. Put in the time and effort, use diligence and perseverance, and you will succeed.

Concentrate on the joy you will get from doing something with yourself! Even though I have to learn Gen Eds for a BA, I am still excited to learn, have homework, and feel useful! Keep the big idea in mind, feel it in your heart, and you shouldn’t find it hard to make it through and to make yourself.