Stuck In the Middle With You

I am feeling "stuck in the middle."

I am nearing the end of my long journey to Emerson which has taken three years of hard work, little to no sleep, and a lot of self-motivation. After working so hard for so long I have a rather laid back last semester. I am taking one class which only meets once a week. This has opened up more hours for me to work and much more time to myself. I even started to write a script!  I haven't written a proper script since eighth grade. Even though that is how I wanted to spend my last semester before starting up the hard work again I keep finding myself eager to get to the point where I can actually start making money working in TV.

I have built a great academic resume and have years of experience working with a large diverse population of people along with a ton of other useful skills... but none of which could get me in the door to TV Production yet. As far as I know, anyway. When I browse through friends Facebook pages, a lot of whom have finished their undergraduate degrees, they are either working in their field or in grad school while also working in their field. I get so envious of this! I know my time is coming but I am just so eager to be there.

It just seems like all these people get to just live there lives doing all these exciting things while I am stuck here, not doing anything special per say, as I go through my transition. I know I will do exciting things in my future but it's the waiting part that feels like it lasts forever. I only submitted my application to Emerson 10 days ago and it already feels like an eternity. I keep going in circles of checking the Emerson Portal (even though I know nothing has changed), going to the BBC work experience page and day dreaming about possible future internships, researching Emerson acceptance rates, reading and re-reading the different Transfer Student info pages at Emerson.edu, drafting my prospective Emerson class schedule if accepted, researching the clubs and organizations I want to join while a student at Emerson, and so many other internet searches on the things I want to get involved in.

I can't stop anxiously waiting for May. May 15th is Emerson's decision notification day... My future depends on that decision. I can't help but be consumed by thoughts, concerns, and anxiety. That, and I seriously cannot wait to go to Costa Rica. Which, just so happens to start on May 18th. May is going to be a big month for me. Unless, of course, Emerson informs me of a decision before May. In which case, I suppose May will still be huge because I'M GOING TO COSTA RICA!!

I just can't wait to be living my dream. I can't wait til I am traveling, making TV magic happen, and making enough money to finally fully support myself, my needs and wants, and Ryan. I can't wait to be meeting big names and making a big name for myself. I can't wait to experience more of life and continue to grow as a person. I can't wait to give back to my community and help good causes. I just can't wait to have a life beyond college.