I have spent my entire life daydreaming of all the things I want to do and who I want to be. And though I have made great strides to get to where I want to be (still making them) I can’t help but get depressed by the thoughts that make me the happiest. 

I will spend days daydreaming about shows I want to work on, actors I want to work with, and directors/writers I want to collaborate with, as well as the name I want to build for myself. I have meaningful goals and I have vain ones. Both hold great importance to me. 

After spending so much time in my head as the person I want to be doing the things I want to do I come back to reality. My reality is far from bad and yet because it isn’t what I fantasize about I get down on myself.

I feel so far from that place I want to be. I am but a mere student. A student with all these aspirations filling her head and heart. I play my part by contacting people who work in the industry and building relationships. I am an intern at a great company and hope to intern at many more during my time at Emerson. I do all that is in my power to create or seize opportunities so that I may gain the experience necessary to one day “be enough” for the positions I wish to hold during my career. 

Everyone who knows me— friends, colleagues, and strangers alike all tell me I am going to “make it.” They “see something in me.” It is a very nice sentiment… I just wish I could see it in myself. 

Will I look back as a successful producer/director/writer/whateveritisiammeantotbe and laugh at how hard I was on myself?

Or, will I still be fighting for that dream?