I have spent my entire life daydreaming of all the things I want to do and who I want to be. And though I have made great strides to get to where I want to be (still making them) I can’t help but get depressed by the thoughts that make me the happiest. 

I will spend days daydreaming about shows I want to work on, actors I want to work with, and directors/writers I want to collaborate with, as well as the name I want to build for myself. I have meaningful goals and I have vain ones. Both hold great importance to me. 

After spending so much time in my head as the person I want to be doing the things I want to do I come back to reality. My reality is far from bad and yet because it isn’t what I fantasize about I get down on myself.

I feel so far from that place I want to be. I am but a mere student. A student with all these aspirations filling her head and heart. I play my part by contacting people who work in the industry and building relationships. I am an intern at a great company and hope to intern at many more during my time at Emerson. I do all that is in my power to create or seize opportunities so that I may gain the experience necessary to one day “be enough” for the positions I wish to hold during my career. 

Everyone who knows me— friends, colleagues, and strangers alike all tell me I am going to “make it.” They “see something in me.” It is a very nice sentiment… I just wish I could see it in myself. 

Will I look back as a successful producer/director/writer/whateveritisiammeantotbe and laugh at how hard I was on myself?

Or, will I still be fighting for that dream?

"I opened my mouth, almost said something. Almost. The rest of my life might have turned out differently if I had. But I didn’t."

The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)

To the most wonderful woman I have ever known

Dorked out and made a future ‘About’ section for my Facebook. ‘Tis wishful thinking. Who knows which path I am meant to actually go down. Whichever path that is, I can tell you this, I will be happy and I will be successful. My hard work and passion will lead me somewhere great. 

To my friend,

When I'm feeling emotional

I turn to art.

I didn't know then the truth in this song.

There is a specific model of airplane that when it flies above it resonates a beautiful hum over the area. This hum is not like any hum an aircraft has made before or since this specific model. This airplane sings to me; sings to me songs of days past. With one beautiful note I am transported through time and space back to my grandmothers living room floor, where I sit, playing in the warm sunbeams hearing my song somewhere in the distance. I am at my childhood home, playing in the streets with the other neighborhood kids while my song is being played from above. I am in a place where there is no bad or responsibilities. Where the days and the nights belong to me. Life is simple. Life is sweet. 

And with the passing of the engines hum, I slowly come to, sigh, and wait for the next moment I will hear my song again so I that I may revisit peace.